I used to love statistics. Before I even knew the word or what it meant I lived off the fact that if such and such happened the odds of something else would be non-existent.
When I was 9 my dad died. As a teen I figured not that many kids had a dead parent at the time much less by an overdose where the people renting a room just walked by him instead of calling for help. By my account that I somehow made up in my head the probability of having another person close to me die in the next 30 years was 0%. Yes- I even assigned a percentage. It doesn’t mean I lived life worry free it was quite the opposite; I figured if something happened it would be to me. At night I would make sure I laid just the right way that a random gun shot from a drive by wouldn’t be fatal. We didn’t even live in a neighborhood with shootings this was just my own warped paranoia.
Imagine my shock when I found out my child I had at 18 was very likely to die within the next few days. She was born with a condition they told me was extremely rare; as likely to happen as winning the lottery. This is a huge reason that even until now I don’t play. I figure that was my lottery why waste a dollar.
While in the NICU I met a nurse who told me her story. She said she had a cancer that is for men who are elderly. The chances of her getting it were less than 2%. She said they told her she wouldn’t survive yet she did get it and she beat it. Then that to remember odds mean nothing when it is you it is happening to. I still thought though somehow odds mattered.
Even when I got pregnant 3 other times I would look to see if any miscarriages happened because if there were several I would be fine if not I needed to worry. One of those pregnancies was a miscarriage which to me meant the odds were in play.
My daughter had a 50/50 chance of surviving to reach five years old and that was only if she had made it through the odds of surviving each surgery she had. Not only did she pass that but she did it with flying colors. Of course we had ups and downs but she only seen the hospital a handful of times. Even in day to day things she really didn't fit the mold of other kids because her heart was her only problem.
Her biological father had been long gone by the time she hit 1st grade but that didn't stop her constant joy. I felt like we beat the odds.
Then just like that she was gone just shy of 14. Caught in other chance happening-a victim of ignorance. I always thought us normal folk would always miss the something’s these top doctors would catch. Too much House and E.R I guess. But my girl got lost in something I never accounted for or saw coming- a busy schedule with the ego the size of California. That is another story when I know what I am allowed to talk about. I am trying to make this site anonymous so I can inform and warn so that others know what they are in for and know what to ask.
I have learned odds reassure us or hurt us depending on where our mood swings that day but odds never change what will happen. Now we are doing what is against all odds; we are determined to not break. We are in the midst of a David vs Goliath trying our hardest to become a stronger tighter family who will not lose each other in grief. The kids are so little they need to not worry about the chances of something happening just that you can persevere. My new motto; it isn't about being strong it is about endurance and we will endure against any odd you throw our way.
When I was 9 my dad died. As a teen I figured not that many kids had a dead parent at the time much less by an overdose where the people renting a room just walked by him instead of calling for help. By my account that I somehow made up in my head the probability of having another person close to me die in the next 30 years was 0%. Yes- I even assigned a percentage. It doesn’t mean I lived life worry free it was quite the opposite; I figured if something happened it would be to me. At night I would make sure I laid just the right way that a random gun shot from a drive by wouldn’t be fatal. We didn’t even live in a neighborhood with shootings this was just my own warped paranoia.
Imagine my shock when I found out my child I had at 18 was very likely to die within the next few days. She was born with a condition they told me was extremely rare; as likely to happen as winning the lottery. This is a huge reason that even until now I don’t play. I figure that was my lottery why waste a dollar.
While in the NICU I met a nurse who told me her story. She said she had a cancer that is for men who are elderly. The chances of her getting it were less than 2%. She said they told her she wouldn’t survive yet she did get it and she beat it. Then that to remember odds mean nothing when it is you it is happening to. I still thought though somehow odds mattered.
Even when I got pregnant 3 other times I would look to see if any miscarriages happened because if there were several I would be fine if not I needed to worry. One of those pregnancies was a miscarriage which to me meant the odds were in play.
My daughter had a 50/50 chance of surviving to reach five years old and that was only if she had made it through the odds of surviving each surgery she had. Not only did she pass that but she did it with flying colors. Of course we had ups and downs but she only seen the hospital a handful of times. Even in day to day things she really didn't fit the mold of other kids because her heart was her only problem.
Her biological father had been long gone by the time she hit 1st grade but that didn't stop her constant joy. I felt like we beat the odds.
Then just like that she was gone just shy of 14. Caught in other chance happening-a victim of ignorance. I always thought us normal folk would always miss the something’s these top doctors would catch. Too much House and E.R I guess. But my girl got lost in something I never accounted for or saw coming- a busy schedule with the ego the size of California. That is another story when I know what I am allowed to talk about. I am trying to make this site anonymous so I can inform and warn so that others know what they are in for and know what to ask.
I have learned odds reassure us or hurt us depending on where our mood swings that day but odds never change what will happen. Now we are doing what is against all odds; we are determined to not break. We are in the midst of a David vs Goliath trying our hardest to become a stronger tighter family who will not lose each other in grief. The kids are so little they need to not worry about the chances of something happening just that you can persevere. My new motto; it isn't about being strong it is about endurance and we will endure against any odd you throw our way.